When I first heard about Ari’s Holding Matters website we were just about to go into lockdown for the COVID pandemic. It was only then I started to notice and think about how I held my son (4).
At the start of the lockdown I noticed how perfectly his body still fitted into mine. I would ‘’spoon’’ him in bed each night as he went off to sleep. His little body fitted perfectly into me, my bent legs snuggled around his legs and his head sat comfortably under my chin. It was like the two of us connected together like the perfect jigsaw pieces.
He needed lots of holding during that first transition period. Lockdown was a significant change for lots of families. Not only would I hold my little man tight as he went to sleep, many a night I was awoken by him through the night wanting mummy to hold him back to sleep again. Some nights he would fall asleep quicker than others but like many children, he was processing a lot during this period while still learning himself how the world works.
I remember holding him dearly, as he cried when I dropped him off at childcare some days. He would wrap his arms around me not wanting to let me go or for me to leave him. I noticed the warmth and tightness within his little body as he sunk into my own. I held him even tighter and wiped away tears on those couple of occasions when he had falls while at home. Our house had turned into an obstacle course and even the bravest of little men could sometimes slip and miss their footing. Even if Dad got to him first on those occasions, I would run in and grab him, claiming mother’s rights to him. I would pull him into me so tightly and smother him with kisses and get him to hold his favourite toys for his own comfort. And every time I noticed his little head was always resting under my chin and my arms were wrapped completely around him.
As we come out of lockdown his head doesn’t fit under my chin anymore. I can still wrap my arms around him but he doesn’t fit into me like he used to. He, like the rest of us, has changed.
He is that little bit older and bigger in size. Not all his changes are physical but the physical ones are so noticeable. He is not my little man anymore and is going to keep growing up in front of me. What will the next phase of us be? He has missed out on doing so many things that were routine but on the other side, he has also gained so many new skills, had some different experiences and we have made some special moments together. He won’t remember the lockdown period as I remember it … but I know I will always remember the last time he fitted so perfectly under my chin.
Photo provided with permission from contributor.
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